Waiting for the dark

silence

although this is an awful thing to have look at all the things u are gaining by hanging on and who knows what u will live to see or not

yes tell the kids that u wont always be around but do it naturally and keep it all light and enjoy those moments that are yours to store and cherish now not in some murky future

and yes i think if u have to ask it can be worse do u really not want to see those faces as long as u can

i appreciate its hard to make the effort but think how thankful those babies will be when they have a store of memories of how u fought to stay with them that u never gave up dispite it all and hung on for them

i do feel for you my friend but i know u are strong enough to build those memories as long as u can

be kind to u

love D

Silence,

I am so sad and sorry for you - this is sad news to have to live through.
I am so so sorry. ((((HUGS))) I wish I could hug you in person!

You are a brave soul, and you are extremely special for writing and thinking things through. Even if they are sad. At least you are trying to deal with this as best as you can.

We are here to help you make these last months GOOD months and not sad or bad months. You want to live your last months in a good way don't you? Don't live them in a sad way. Show your kids how much you love them and how you want to be in their lives forever!!

Do you have a video camera? You can make videos for them. For each milestone in their lives. Talk to them about it. So when they do live through these milestones, they can watch your dvd and you WILL be their for them. They WILL know you!

Are you religious? Please turn to The Lord, He is always there for you. You can pray - I will pray for you, I am Catholic. (((hugs)))

Speak with a smile - you made the first step to a happy ending to your life, you are reaching out for help, comforting, love. Please know that I hope you continue to check in. I would love to stay in touch with you!

God be with you and bless you,
Ave Maria!
jeanna

what a fantastic idea to use a camera and be there for them when they need u

i hope u are having a good day silence

love D

How are you doing tonight, Silence? I have been thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers.

Your kids and family sure are lucky, ya know that? You are amazing! Going through what you are going through and you think of them and their feelings so honestly and supportively.

You are such a gem! God be with you and bless you, Silence

Check in when you feel up to it, ok? ((((hugs))))
Jeanna

Thank you Jeanna for your thoughts and prayers. Was back in the hospital again last night, had what I thought was a cold, turns out its pneumonia. My immune system is not doing mush with all the medicines I am on and the damage to my organs, so I have to go in every 6 hours for I V therapy. Sometimes I gotta laugh at all this crap to keep from falling apart. I like the video camera idea, I don't have one but I should be able to borrow one.

In the meantime I will continue to hold on even if it is by a thread.

I wish you the best. Ben

I am so glad you checked in. Hope you are showing improvement healing from pneumonia. I am so sorry you have so much suffering. So sorry.

Are the IV's helping you? How are your spirits been? That is nice you liked the video idea. I am glad :) It may help you stay focused on your legacy. Your children will treasure videos from you.

You keep resting for now until you get through this pneumonia, I am keeping you in my prayers, Ben. God be with you and bless you!

((((HUGS))))
Jeanna

dear Silence, write a journal and story of your life for your children, tell them of your experience , stength and hope for the days you cannot be there to inspire them in person. we should all do this for our kids, but you are compelled to do it now, not later, do not be anxious or despair for the Father in heaven knows what is going on and he will protect your children. but do leave them whatever legacy you can in writing, you are a good writer . you can write a simple story for now for the little ones and a more complex story for later when they are older. tell them how you are coping and how you are facing your death. they will love you for it.

all my best with hope this ispires you and faith in Our God who is great and can set righ all things and with loving kindness, a prayer warrior praying for you.

Hi there Ben!

Just checking in on you. How is the pneumonia? Hoping you are feeling better and not back in the hospital. ;(
I worry about you!!

Still praying for you and your family as well. May you always find comfort in them and they in you.

Great idea to journal for your kids as well. You have so much to do!! :-))

Be inspired by your life! You obviously have a lead a good one, it shows. Your children are very lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful father.

Ok, you check in when you feel up to it. "you da man" as the saying goes!! lol

Hoping and praying this note finds you feeling better.

take care, God be with you and bless you
(((BIG hugs)))
jeanna

Hello been in the hospital a while now, doctor doing blood tests twice a day. whispered conversations with my wife, worried look in her eyes. She is so strong I wish I had her strength, no matter hell or high water she is there to hold my hand. What a cruel joke. seems each day I get weaker and she gets stronger, you can't tell her that what she is doing is anything other than what anyone would do. been trying to write down some of my thoughts, when I can think through all the meds, but it seems so pathetic. Tiny little words, as if they would ever be enough, trying to explain who I am and what path I followed. Trying to tell my kids how much I love them. Such a cruel twist in life when they are so small.

Hi Ben!

So are you still in the hospital or home now? Sorry for more hospital staying but if its what keeps you from feeling rotten, then thats what should be.

When I read what you wrote about your wife, I was thinking the same things bout YOU! Seriously! I mean, think about it. Here you are, knowing the end of your life is near and you have the strength to think about your kids, wife, family and on top of it log into this site and talk about it all and ask for advice. You are amazing! Thinking of others and how to be there for them as long as possible.

Ben, all I can say is you are an amazing sign of strength to me! I haven't heard you complain about anything! Who wouldn't have a sly comment about the cards you were dealt. But you could be home, sulking, complaining, angry, spreading misery. You seem to be doing the opposite if you ask me!!

I think of me and how I sit and sulk because of my condition. I get angry, sad, I live in misery some days just because of my cards! You are an example to me, on what it appears like to show the strength of many, from one soul.

You are a change in others. If that makes sense.

I want to Thank you and I am truely Blessed to meet you!! Thank you, Thank you!!!!!

Not sure if you are religious, but I honestly believe that The Lord has a reason for everything and our story is written before we are even here!

You are making an impact in the lives of your kids, you may not realize it but I am sure you are.

I hope you feel better and can be home and all comfortable. Then you will be able to journal and feel good about it. Sometimes its hard to write when we don't feel well. Its when we find that little bit of strength from the good feelings inside us that we are able to express ourselves the best.

Now don't forget to journal with a video tape or two!! Your kids will absolutely love it and treasure it beyond words.

Wish i were there to help!! I have a camera.
You just take care for now and heal that pneumonia before it gets worse.

Lots of ((((hugs)))) and lots of prayers sent your way my friend!
Ave Maria!
Take care,
Jeanna